I Hate Goodbyes

The Beatles once crooned, “You say goodbye, and I say hello.

I wish our family life were full of “hellos” and no “goodbyes”.

I hate goodbyes.  Absolutely hate them.  They never get any easier.

Thanksgiving holiday is over and, like all boarding and college students everywhere, Katie is heading back to school.  And so I walk away from the airport terminal once again, feeling utterly bereft like a part of me is already missing.  I keep looking around as if I have forgotten something….oh that’s right, my daughter.

My vision is blurred by the tears that involuntarily pool in my eyes.  I snuffle a sniffle and try to maintain demeanor as I walk slowly and deliberately back toward the trains to London.   What I really want to do is burst into tears, race across the terminal, and throw my arms around Katie keeping her as close as possible and never letting go.

Katie is calm and collected.  She pleasantly said her mature goodbyes, hugged me, and then proceeded forward in the security line without even looking back.  She is ready to go forward in her journey, and all I want to do is put things in reverse.

I remember when my girls were very little, there were days when I would think wistfully and often with exasperation, “Can’t they just grow up?!”  I now understand all those older moms who used to approach me in the grocery store and coo, “Ooh, enjoy this while you can”.  At the time I thought they were insane as I had one child strapped to my chest in a Baby Bjorn spitting up all over me and the other recklessly throwing things off shelves from her perch on the shopping cart!  Are you crazy?!  Now, I know they were the wise ones.

When the girls were little, sometimes I felt like I was a piece of velcro and my girls were stuck to me with such force that I literally had to peel them off.  Now, I have become like one giant laundry cling-free sheet when all I wish for these days is some static to keep everyone stuck together.

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I know progress is good, and you can’t stop the march of time, blah blah blah…but I sure do wish there was a rewind button in life or even a pause function to freeze the moments when we are all together.  They are all too short and oh so very sweet.

 

You may say goodbye, but I will always prefer hello.

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