Mail Order Lady Dish

I recently had the urge to be “titled”.

I had to return a package that I had purchased on line.  It was a bit complicated because the item had been shipped to the UK, but had to be returned to the US.  There were several forms involved.

Delivering a Parcel

These automated forms are pretty basic.  When posting your personal information, the very first thing you are asked to fill out is your “Title”.  Typically, there are two basic choices:  Mr. or Mrs.

Not so in England.

These are the choices I was offered in order of appearance:

  1. Mr.
  2. Mrs.
  3. Miss
  4. Viscount
  5. Viscountess
  6. Bishop
  7. Princess
  8. Prince
  9. Marquis
  10. Marquess
  11. Madame
  12. Judge
  13. Count
  14. Countess
  15. Baroness
  16. Brigadier
  17. Lady
  18. Dame
  19. Sir
  20. Lord

I cannot make this stuff up!  How absolutely fabulous and so utterly English.

Years ago, a friend dubbed me “Lady Dish”, and the nickname has always been a favorite of mine.  I considered making it my mail order personna.   Though Dame Dishner sounds good too.  I imagine you’d give deference to a Dame but have lunch with a Lady.  Madame is intriguing but conjures all those suburban women who turn up in the news running brothels out of their homes.  Marquess conjures perversion à la Marquis de Sade.  Baroness makes me think of that stuck up ice queen who tried to steal Captain Von Trapp away from lovely Maria.  Princess sounds too young and Countess sounds too old.

I think I’ll stick with  Mrs.

…and the man who married me 19 years ago today!




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